The "GOTCHA" Moments...When Death Grabs Us.
You know the ones. Right? The “Gotchas.” Life is streaming along quietly and without event. Your loved one, who has passed to the other side, is tucked ever so delicately in the recesses of your mind and heart. Of course, the thought of our loved ones is always there. But now after a few months or years, you are grateful for the reprieve from the pain of their physical loss and not so sensitive to their memories. And then out of nowhere…
The tears well up and your heart feels like it’s going to burst out of your chest. And for that brief moment, you feel as though you’ve gone backward… all because of these “Gotcha” moments. You’ve told me this happens to you. My suggestion: be gentle with yourself. You are human, and in our humanness we will always feel hurt and saddened by the physical loss of our loved ones. Let’s not sugar coat it… WE MISS THEM! WE WANT THEM BACK! WE WANT THEM HERE!
Let me preface by saying that the signs and symbols that present most frequently from beyond that I share in my work are not the same as “Gotcha” moments. These signs and symbols are proof that our loved ones are still right here, and I share how difficult it is to continue to grieve a loved one when we believe there is no such thing as death. The “Gotcha” moments are the human moments where we find ourselves missing them and wanting them here with us.
My work has led me down a path of sharing a different and more uplifting approach to death and loss, and how joy can overshadow the pain if we allow. That said, I am human too, and I miss my loved ones. And today I experienced a “Gotcha” moment and wanted to share it with you. You are not alone. I was hopping onto my Facebook Page, and here is the “Gotcha” moment that presented. Here is a memory from seven years ago, July 8th, 2013…
It was the Los Alamos High School 30 Year Class Reunion. I was very excited to see my amazing classmates whom I call friends. But Jan was “on call” that weekend at the Baylor University Medical Center in Dallas and was unable to attend. We had been dating for two years, and my classmates wanted to meet this man who swept me off my feet, and the running joke became that Jan didn’t exist at all and was a mere figment of my imagination. After the reunion, I posted this photo claiming: Hey LAHS class of 1983…Yes! He IS real!
So, today this memory initiated by Facebook brought me to my knees. I found myself crying tears, and not just softly flowing tears of sadness, but gut-wrenching tears as if my new husband, lover, and best friend died just yesterday. And as if this weren’t enough, I went out to the mailbox later in the day and was served another “Gotcha.” OMG, I thought to myself. Are you frickin’ kidding me?
I allowed the pain and the tears that swept over me. I didn’t label the experience as “grief.” I didn’t label the experience at all. I just sat with the emotion. This “Gotcha” moment took over my whole being. This grief emotion, like most others, only lasted for about five minutes—and I find if we don’t judge when we sit in this pain and simply allow it, it too shall pass. I was quickly able to move beyond the pain to where I could smile at the memory.
The purpose of me sharing this today is to say: if you’ve been caught in these moments of sadness and pain, maybe just try and sit with the emotion and allow anything and everything to surface instead of trying anything and everything to escape the pain. Just sit and allow until the grief-stricken moment has passed. Even after four years of the losses of my loved ones, the “Gotcha’s” still creep up on me, both unexpected and unwelcomed. It is essential for the health of our mind, body, and soul that we do not allow our momentary emotions to define us or to consume us the rest of our lives. Today I am not going through grief, I simply had a grief-stricken moment. I honored that moment and now am able to move forward.
In these moments, I am comforted by the poem "The Guest House” https://bit.ly/ThisGuestHouse written by 13th Century Persian Poet Rumi. He shares: To bow to the fact of our life's sorrows and betrayals is to accept them, and from this deep gesture, we discover that all life is workable. As we learn to bow, we discover that the heart holds more freedom and compassion than we could imagine. I carry this poem with me everywhere I go and give it to people on the street, on subways, on trains, and on planes when they share with me how life’s pains continue to sadden them. I hope that this one gesture, of bowing to life’s sorrows, may provide a sense of peace to you today, especially if you find yourself saddened and hurt by the loss of a loved one.
